Healing found me by encouraging others, journaling and dancing (by Sheronica)
Depression and anxiety for me were hidden by sex & unhealthy dating relationships with men. HEALING found me through encouraging & hosting others, journaling & dance.
Unaware. I was unaware of my battle with situational depression until I was an adult.
Now, I am joyfully married with 3 children.
Three Smart, Strong, Faith-filled children whose presence is Life-giving.
In March 2021, after two years of walking through a series of family deaths and emotional losses. With the last loss, leaving me grieved and reminding me of a life experience & loss from my childhood. Looking back. Battling situational depression and anxiety started for me when I was eleven. Hindsight is 20/20.Hahaha 2020! That was a year! (I may have been older than eleven. This is for my mom to confirm. Hey mom, help me out with this one ! I LOVE YOU MOM LOVE YOU DAD! You two have taught me so much.)
At eleven, our family experienced the brokenness of divorce. Divorce / separation brings loss, grief, shame and a whole flood of emotions that the eleven year old brain cannot comprehend. When you sit in thoughts of grief, loss and feelings of abandonment it is drowning. it’s dark. It's depressing. I was gifted with a journal. That journal! I used it often, writing in it many tear-filled entries. My RESCUE was Journaling. My thoughts had to come out. They could not stay in my head. Writing was therapy. I journal thoughts and prayers even now. Check out our "Rose, thorn, bud" board at Uzima!
In my teens, the gift of encouraging others RESCUED me from being consumed with negative thoughts. I Cheer. Yes, I'm that girl! Yet, the fear of loss, anxiety and depression still crouched nearby with thoughts of "I'm not good enough." "I am unloved." "Unwanted." I chased away these thoughts with sex at the early age of 13. At 20, I was pregnant and with difficulty I chose to terminate my pregnancy. For months, I cried in the darkness of my college dorm room in the fetal position. Depressed by the disappointment. Unaware and in a state of depression, I continued to move from one unhealthy, relationship to another. It wasn’t until 11 years later that I begin to recognize a toxic pattern of behavior and talked with my sister. We were in a similar state. I was starting to come face to face with my behaviors and thoughts. At age 24, I was shaken by the facts that I had said yes to alot of "nevers". I'll never let a guy hit me. I'll never have an abortion. I'll never sleep with more than one guy. The division of my heart shook me. It was tearing me up inside. I condemned myself and a friend with courage and conviction said "THERE'S NO CONDEMNATION!" These words and friendship were the start of a NEW way of thinking and living. Here’s a new never. Never underestimate the power of friendship! I have two friends of 20 years who've spoken words of encouragement darkest days. In Angola, Africa and in Pittsburgh, friendships help me grow and sustain me. UNITE. 2 are better than 1 in any battle!! To battle through the depression (I called it sadness at age 24), I did the one thing my grandma Rosel taught me...PRAY! Sometimes prayer is simply a conversation with a friend. Yes, Jesus wants to be our friend. In prayer, I verbally said aloud to God (angrily, may I add) "what does the Bible say about fornication?" We'll, if we're big and bad enough to ask Jesus what He says about something we better be ready to hear His answer. Weeeeell! Put your big girl undies on for this one. Ready? “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does.... 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/1co.6.18-20.NLTWhen you have time read more.
Hey y'all! I tried to run from sex and fell back so many times. To be honest, some times I liked the fall. Until. 2000. When I got scared. I was about to commit to a relationship that deep down...deep, deep down...I knew was unhealthy. I literally cried asking God to help, Luke 8:43-48. “A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding [let's just say an issues. We all have issues y'all], and she could find no cure. Coming up behind Jesus, she touched the fringe of his robe. Immediately, the bleeding [issue] stopped.... Jesus said, “Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.” When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him. The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed. “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace.””
Luke 8:43-48 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/luk.8.43-48.NLT
Okay at this point therapy would probably be a better answer. Yet, I did the one thing I was taught to do. Remember grandma (and mom) taught me to pray. Prayer is a fancy word for talking to Jesus. In this place of battling situational depression --DANCE RESCUED me!! Through dance, God changed loss into dancing. Dancing was a prayer. It opened my heart to hear God's word and hide it in my heart. Dance helped release all the negative thoughts through motion. Movement. Eccl 3:1,3 For 5 years, Dance helped me say NO to sex. In 5 years, my thinking about relationships changed. I was rooted in my identity as a Woman of Faith. Loved eternally by the One who gives Life eternal. When I met Mayan, I stood firm in the place of not having sex. He agreed and shocked me. This shared belief caused me to take notice and pray. We were engaged December 2005. Conceived our son Zavier during our engagement. Married April 2006.
Healed? Let's fast forward.
November 2019 God gave time and opportunity to share the brokenness, healing and reconciliation that I personally experienced. Reconciliation of that brokenness came through community, faithful prayer and book studies on the mind.
Battlefield of the mind, author Joyce Meyer
BREAKING UNHEALTHY SOUL TIES, author Bill Banks
Healthy Soul
Purpose Driven Life, author Rick Warren
5 love languages
Ennegram
Grace for the Afflicted
Out of the cave, author Chris Hodges
And many others
